Why hello there fellow science nuts! Today is a great day to stroke our minds with yet another brilliant piece of crotchological research. Today you're in for a special treat. I have located and recorded evidence of some (not so) rare examples of ample crotches in SL. In order to prepare for this analysis (which was quite a chore, there was a lot to work with, hence the long delay between article posts) I have employed the expertise of amature crotchologist and regular reader, Dr. Paulina of Who Let The Dorks Out? (Did you ever find this out? I was wondering the same thing yesterday while browsing crotches and sipping lemonade on my front porch last Wednesday).
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Aesthetic Realities of Possessing a Large Pelvic Girdle
Posted by Marian Dragovar at 2:13 PM 0 comments
Labels: ample crotch, crotch ornamentation, decoration, Large crotch, Paulina, pelvic girdle, Sophistication
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Scholarly Exploits
Our next crotch appears similar to the first, at least to the untrained eye, but do not be deceived; while our last example displayed an eager openness, this one shows a fierce territoriality. Observe the stainless steel covering and precision-machined mechanisms, the aggressive tribal tattoos, and the sinister lace doilies. All of these add up to a thigh junction that wants nothing to do with outsiders, and woe be the one foolish enough to venture too close. This is clearly a groin with no desire for company, much less a "study partner."
Posted by Alarren at 8:37 PM 1 comments
Labels: aggressive, Alarren, crochet, crotch, crotch accessories, eager, science, there is no sex tape please stop asking
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Crotch Parasites
Whew! I sincerely apologize for forcing you, delightful enlightened readers, to suffer through yet another post from my assistant Scientition Dr. Alarren Feden (you're clearly undisciplined, I will see you in the lab after business hours, and bring the bunsen burner. Wear the purple trousers, the ones with the tassels. You know what to do). Your support for crotchology and our mission to create a brighter future for virtual pelvic girdles has at times moved me to tears, I am grateful and full of gratitude for your faithful dedication. No doubt with your patient attention and Alarren's psudo-educated experimental flailing, we will have yet another highly developed scientific expert on our hands in no time, whose crotch analyses will pave the way to a new future where all of us are in possession of a well-endowed package of knowledge. The concept is deliciously marvelous, and as much as I wish that I could be the soul harbinger of scientific enlightenment, I require more than just a single highly evolved intellect to bring forth this deep and meaningful understanding of our cosmic existence; that which we call Crotchology.
Thus, as a service to our highly sophisticated readers, this article will be dedicated to exploring a particular strain of crotch parasite. It is a disturbing topic, to be sure, but as with most important health issues, a solid understanding of crotch science may serve as the best preventative precaution. While most groin parasites are disseminated through the act of fornication between individuals of dubious taste and questionable style, (and also by forest trolls, but everyone knows this), this particular parasite seems to be contracted through contact with roleplaying.
Roleplaying is a phenomenon where seemingly healthy individuals simulate various psychological neuroses within a nonsensical world where gravity does not exist. These individuals then exchange neurotic behaviors, such as speaking in cryptic sentences and dressing one another in aluminum chain mail, for the sake of pleasure and competition. While coming in contact with roleplaying is a mostly innocuous experience, there are some rare occasions where the exchange of neurotic behaviors between role players (and sometimes between role players and non-role players) can result in negative consequences. One of the most common roleplay induced infections is a sort of quickly spreading social disease very similar to the condition of baby-mama-drama or pre-pubescent-lunchroom-oh-no-she-didn't disease. This particular disease often involves the pelvic girdle, though it's origins most commonly stem from patients with enlarged oral cavities and limited frontal lobe functionality.
A much more rare and exotic, and thus a infinitely more interesting sort of infection is one that involves parasitic infestations of the crotch.
Here is an example of roleplay induced parasitic groin infection. Note the menacing primate-emulating creature joined to the pelvic fork. This particular specimen is much larger than most typical crotch parasites, which suggests that it is ready to divide and multiply. This is a highly contagious individual who should be avoided at all costs! This patient's monkey is clearly too large to stay contained within his trousers, and thus was allowed to burst free.
Here is a second example of the same crotch parasite. In both cases, the reader will note the subject's clothing. As these are the only known photographs of primate-crotch infection, it can safely be deduced that said infection only affects individuals who dress like pirates and lumberjacks, or lumberjack-pirates. Thus, we can all avoid similar infections by staying away from salt water and port towns (and by avoiding the act of leaving our keyboards for extended periods of time, or disallowing a friend or significant other access to our avatars while we explore alternate-history roleplay).
Posted by Marian Dragovar at 2:35 PM 0 comments
Labels: crotch, crotch accessories, crotch disease, crotch disorders, crotch monkey, embroidery, fornication, I love Armada, nicely styled, parasites
Monday, August 23, 2010
Crotchology
Posted by Alarren at 5:47 PM 0 comments
Labels: Alarren, bunny, crotch, doom, magic missle, revenge, robots, science
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Crotches evolved from insects?
Last week Scientition Foxie took a look at the evolution of the pubic fork in his analysis of newbie crotches; through his thorough investigation we were able to observe current trends in crotch transformation across the grid. Inspired by Foxie's delicious science, I decided to spend several hours on the internet and in epilepsy-inducing virtual night clubs in order to bring you the big picture.
It is my highly-respected and accurate opinion that crotches have evolved from insects. NO. Stop. Don't think about it, you'll only damage your science receptors (explain this for us, won't you please, Alarren?), just trust me on this one. Really, one needs only look at my highly detailed scientific illustrations to see the clear relationship between insect and groin.
For instance, see here how both the scorpion's (which is actually an arachnid, but everyone knows that insects evolved from arachnids, therefore, they're pretty much the same thing as a crotch) luminescent glow nearly matches this lap-specimen's effulgent groin and rear-end attachments? The scorpion's eerie neon blue brilliance is clearly foreshadowing trends in black-light sensitive crotch ornamentation. Also, see how the limbs and the tail-stinger-thingy closely resemble the synthetic fibers of this bad girl's pant leg? Both creatures are in possession of their creepy fibrous and stringy tail-stinger-thingy parts as a result of defensive adaptations. The pelvic girdle in question has adapted in a much more sophisticated manner, and rather than merely flashing an array of limbs and stingers, this crotch has chosen to accent itself with symbolic signage. Messages written in English across the upper thigh and along the protective lap belt clearly communicate to potential attackers: "Don't touch me here, or I will [expletive removed] you up" -- the exact same message that the scorpion's stinger communicates. Fancy that. How do we explain such phenomenon? Science. How else?
The relationship between this insect and this (heavily disguised) crotch is self evident and requires no analysis.
On an administrative note, the bloggers here at Crotches of Second Life have decided to continue this investigative scientific journal by posting at a more reasonable rate; our expected regular contributions to the world of science and crotchology will be revealed at the rate of about three posts per week, or thereabouts, depending on the moon and whether or not Alarren is behaving like a child.
Posted by Marian Dragovar at 9:29 PM 1 comments
Labels: Alarren, bugs, clubs, crotch accessories, I love bugs, insects, lots of bright colors, neon, oh snap, raver crotches, too much glowing
Monday, August 9, 2010
Crotches in the mist
Posted by Marian Dragovar at 5:07 PM 0 comments
Friday, August 6, 2010
Survival of the Fittest Crotch
Tasked with investigating the evolution of crotches, our intrepid Crotch Surveillance Team made its way to the Welcome Area in the hopes of spotting crotches in the first few stages of existence.
We were not disappointed. The evolutionary advantages of this crotch were immediately apparent.
This primitive crotch makes heavy use of camouflage to effectively disguise itself from prey. Its streamlined form is perfect for the windy featureless habitat on which it roams, where external mating apparatus would be a wind chafing hazard. A perfect example of adaption.
We were also lucky to witness a crotch attempting to acquire a mate.
Notice the way this crotch decorates itself in order to attract attention. This is a brief phenomenon; once the crotch acquires a mate, it tends to discard this fanciful adornment for the duration of mating and only resumes wearing underwear that is very large and inexpensive - better suited to the task of rearing young.
The gravity defying way this crotch has clothed itself baffled the scienticians present for many minutes. The effects of gravity in the area seem consistent with sea level norms and yet the crotch appears to maintain its grip on the host's pants without any help from the hips as is commonly seen elsewhere. Without capturing a specimen to examine, we are left to conjecture on the strategy being employed here. Scienticians present put forward the following theories: Localised gravity field, secreted adhesive fluid, assistance from host's knees being gripped together.
Posted by Foxie Moxie at 8:54 PM 0 comments
Labels: camouflage, cool places Foxie likes to hang out, crotch, crotch accessories, evolution, mating, newbies, noobs
And now, for something completely different: HISTORY!
Today we have a very special feature - a post about crotches from a historical perspective. Here we sample crotches that paved the way for crotch analysis, important crotches across the grid, as analyzed by Historian and Cultural Anthropologist, Ms. Lette Ponnier.
*Photo credits: Phillip Linden's Crotch is from Feline Slade's stream, and Anshe Chung's Crotch from Ruby Sinreich/RubyJi:
Posted by Marian Dragovar at 8:42 PM 0 comments
Labels: crotch, history, important crotches, paving the way, phil
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Professionalism
Posted by Marian Dragovar at 9:22 PM 0 comments
Labels: Alarren, marian's crotch, me camming crotches, my crotch, revenge, science
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
A lot to think about
Like this one, for instance. This crotch gives us a lot to think about. This is a very complex crotch. See how the morbid ornaments on this crotch are juxtaposed against the neo-victorian delicacy of the lace shirt? Observe the dangerous spikes that guard the loins, but then observe the lacing on the thighs and the torso visible through the thin layer of lace. One aesthetic clearly suggests the intentions of a highly sophisticated street-walker, whilst the other suggests intentions of war making and aggression. This crotch is, in scientific terms, a hot mess of confusion and complexity. What do you think?
Posted by Marian Dragovar at 7:23 PM 0 comments
Labels: a crotch to think about, assymetry, crotch, fashion, finger straps, goth, groin, pelvic girdle, philosophy, skulls, strange, violence, war, weird
Modest crotches
Here on Crotches of SL, we make every effort to provide our readers with objective scientific content capable of carrying significant academic weight and intellectual merit. For that reason, we explicitly avoid any discussions which suggest overly biased social prescriptions for behavior concerning crotches. While we do not condemn or devalue the individual's right to free expression of the loins, or ones right to censor their own pelvic girdle, we do not advocate any particular position or stance on the subject. We understand that this subject can often become quite hairy, so to speak, and thus endeavor to approach such themes with an ample dose of logic and compassion.
With this in mind we carefully embark this morning on a journey exploring crotch modesty. What is a modest crotch, you ask? Grand question; let us illustrate one of many examples of groin region modesty:
Here is another sort of modest crotch:
This crotch is not modest in the social sense, but modest in the aesthetic sense. This is a crotch collected from the standard nerdy male bioform. See how the pose is simple and unassuming. Also see how the crotch is completely without ornamentation. The fit of the trouser is adequate but not provocative or offensive. Modest crotches, rather than tools of communication, are rather little more than simple crotches in their purest form.
In both of these examples of modesty, the crotch retains a level of purity only rivaled by the loins when they are in their most natural and primitive state and completely sans adornment and covering. The crotch becomes a beacon for social interaction, or a canvas for simple aesthetic admiration in its most relaxed and unobtrusive form.
Posted by Marian Dragovar at 12:33 AM 0 comments
Labels: cloth, communication, crotch, expression, innocent, loin, modest, modesty, pure, simple, social, there is no art
Monday, August 2, 2010
A message to our readers
Posted by Alarren at 8:30 PM 0 comments
Labels: Alarren, crotch, humor, intelligent discourse, second life, sl
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Our second, poorly timed crotch
In effort to continue on in the spirit of progress and innovation, I have decided to double post in honor of our blog grand opening. It is my sincere hope that this blog becomes the most popular blog about Second Life and issues of world peace in the whole world, and if not in the whole world, then at least in the Midwest region of the Unite States of America.
Posted by Marian Dragovar at 11:38 PM 0 comments
Our first crotch
Posted by Leslie Peterson at 10:20 PM 0 comments
Labels: crotch, fashion, nicely styled, science, second life