Friday, August 6, 2010

Survival of the Fittest Crotch

Tasked with investigating the evolution of crotches, our intrepid Crotch Surveillance Team made its way to the Welcome Area in the hopes of spotting crotches in the first few stages of existence.

We were not disappointed. The evolutionary advantages of this crotch were immediately apparent.

This primitive crotch makes heavy use of camouflage to effectively disguise itself from prey. Its streamlined form is perfect for the windy featureless habitat on which it roams, where external mating apparatus would be a wind chafing hazard. A perfect example of adaption.

Alarren adds: I've asked our surveillance team to start gathering data. I have a suspicion the area was "really freakin' cold," which would throw a wrench into some of the theories presented here.

We were also lucky to witness a crotch attempting to acquire a mate.

Notice the way this crotch decorates itself in order to attract attention. This is a brief phenomenon; once the crotch acquires a mate, it tends to discard this fanciful adornment for the duration of mating and only resumes wearing underwear that is very large and inexpensive - better suited to the task of rearing young.

The gravity defying way this crotch has clothed itself baffled the scienticians present for many minutes. The effects of gravity in the area seem consistent with sea level norms and yet the crotch appears to maintain its grip on the host's pants without any help from the hips as is commonly seen elsewhere. Without capturing a specimen to examine, we are left to conjecture on the strategy being employed here. Scienticians present put forward the following theories: Localised gravity field, secreted adhesive fluid, assistance from host's knees being gripped together.

Alarren muses: Perhaps it's just the power of love? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to wash my mouth out for saying such a thing.