Monday, August 23, 2010


Greetings, fellow science fans! Welcome to another exciting jaunt into the magnificent world of the crotch. Today, we examine two unique and exciting groins, and I condescendingly correct Marian.

Our first specimen is an excellent example of Leporidae Erectus. the two legged rabbit.
This is a crotch that exhibits classical sensibility. The elegantly modest pants are adorned with a single button, drawing the eye to the pelvic girdle. The sash, ostensibly silk, denotes a firm upper boundary. "This," it seems to say, "Is too high. Look lower, friend, and admire." This crotch might not stop traffic, but it will certainly garner respectful attention.

Next, we have an early industrial model, RU57 8UCK37 to be precise. While dated, this unit is perfectly serviceable, and worthy of your attention.
At first glance, this robotic crotch seems plain and uninteresting. In fact, many crotchologists of dubious expertise have said as much in similar circumstances. Honestly, I am surprised Marian presented this to me. Given her grave errors in labeling this photograph, I would expect her to miss its significance.

Let's start with composition. The RU57 line is composed of a titanium-nickel composite, and this model is no exception. The shine is due to a chrome plating, added by many dealers who wished to "jazz up" the product. The same is true of the "buttons" on the torso, which are little more than stickers and sharpie.

Next, note the shape of various anatomical features. These are not cubes, as posited by my co-writer, but prisms. A cube is a prism with six sides of equal length, so the mistake is understandable; still, I shall have to examine her positronic circuitry, just in case.

Finally, look upon the crotch itself. Labelled as "not suitable for fornication," this junction seems like a simple anchor for the legs. A little research, however, dispels this misconception.

While most of the RU57 line was designed for general labor, the 8UCK37 was unique. It was secretly ordered by the military, who wanted a weapon that could infiltrate enemy factories with ease. The blocky edges of this unit are razor sharp, and the seam along the groin splits open, revealing an array of deadly weapons. From hack saws to flamethrowers, the pelvis of this robot is filled with doom. In fact, unbeknownst to all but the most senior of officers, certain units were outfitted with powerful fusion decimators. In the event of successful communist takeover, the units were to activate, obliterating the Earth and at least half of the moon.

In other words, keep these robots happy, or we're ALL fornicated.