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Sunday, October 9, 2011

Porn Birds


SecondLife. A place of deception and intrigue. What may appear as a hot piece of 16 year old Californian ass may turn out to be an obese naked man in a basement. It is into this world we take you today, gentle reader, to examine one of the dangers, ever present in the world of SecondLife:

PORN BIRDS.

Scienticians' crotches form a vital part of this bird's life cycle. These apparently delightful birds flit innocuously about, biding their time until they meet a scientician. In the spirit of experimentation, a good scientician will right click on every conceivable thing in SecondLife and choose Sit; this amazing bird has evolved to make use of, and rely upon, this instinctive behaviour.


To the right you can see a dramatic reconstruction of the typical configuration of bird and crotch. The bird is a life sized replica, because real virtual porn birds are far too dangerous to approach for the purposes of demonstration, and our model stubbornly declined my repeated offer to play the bird in this reenactment scene.


When an unsuspecting scientician sits upon this bird, its true colors are quickly revealed. The bird orients itself and delivers its eggs directly into the scientician's crotch where they are fertilized by the power of science. Twenty-one days later, if not treated, one to four baby porn birds are produced from the scientician's greater crotchetal region, sometimes busting a nut, or worse, causing mild social embarrassment, to emerge in full flight.

Treatment is cheap, effective and highly entertaining, thus if you suspect you may have something in your shizzle, or for a good time, you should contact one of the scienticians who wrote this article immediately, and send me numerous pictures of the affected region for scientific purposes.

Porn birds. Simply marvellous creatures.

Many thanks to the not-completely-hideous-to-look-at model, Larisa Polikarpov for posing.

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